3 Steps For Handling Disappointment
Posted on June 21st, 2009 | by Dee |
We have to be honest, sometimes life is not always as good or as happy as we would want it to be; sometimes we have to face disappointments or adversity in our lives. How we face such times is of great importance to each of us if we wish to get through and regain the positives in our lives. It was with great pleasure that I discovered this article and present it to you now.
So if you are facing hard times, disappointment or adversity, I hope that this article is of some comfort and help to you.
3 Steps For Handling Disappointment Or Adversity
By Maurine Patten
Unfortunately, the unemployment rate continues to increase on a monthly basis this year. Other economic signs are beginning to show some small improvement which helps remind us that eventually companies will begin hiring again. In the meantime, life continues to be a struggle for many people.
You might be facing other common disappointments or adversities. In the work place, the bid you put in for a project was rejected, or you did not get the job you had hoped for. Maybe the kitchen or wash needs cleaning, and you do not want to face the day.
Whenever you have an expectation or hope that is not realized, you feel some level of disappointment or sadness. How you think about the situation will have a lot do with the feelings you have and how you choose to act or behave.
In addition, research indicates that your happiness as an adult might depend on how well you learned as a child to:
1. Deal with disappointment or adversity.
2. Create and sustain joy.
Are you one of many adults who did not learn how to do either of these things very well as you were growing up? If you are, now is your chance to master these two skills. With some commitment and effort, there are things you can do to make a difference in your level of happiness.
Are you ready to responsible for your own feelings, especially negative ones? It is easy to blame others for the way you feel. However, this will not increase your level of happiness. You begin by first being ready to be responsible for your own feelings.
In every negative situation, you have a choice of focusing on the:
1. Terrible things about it, and how it will make your life harder or less satisfying, or
2. Opportunities this situation may offer you and how you can use your strengths to move forward.
When you are feeling stressed, irritable, anxious or sad, there are three key questions you need to ask yourself:
1. What opportunities are there for me in this situation?
2. What resources do I have to help me?
3. How will I use my resources?
However, before you can answer these questions, you have to have self-awareness. This means you are able to notice what you are feeling and be able to acknowledge the feeling. You own the feeling by naming it. Think of the feeling as a cue that you need to notice and acknowledge what you are telling yourself. You might be saying something like, “I can’t do this,” or “I need help with this.” Be curious about what you discover you are telling yourself without reacting emotionally to it.
Now is the time to ask the first question listed above – What opportunities are there for me in this situation? You might be surprised by the answers you get.
Sometimes the opportunities are not ones you would have chosen for yourself at that particular time. You may not feel ready to meet the challenge of finding employment or another project to bid on, cleaning the kitchen or doing the wash. However, one of the most important things you can do for yourself is to stop and discover what opportunities there are for you in the situation.
After you have discovered some opportunities, the next step is to ask the second question – What resources do I have to help me? Identify your internal and external resources that will help you embrace the opportunities. Internal resources may be your intelligence, sense of humor, the experience you bring, perseverance, courage, etc. External resources may be family, friends, someone you respect, money, time, etc.
The final step is to ask the third question – How will I use my resources? Determine how your resources will help you move forward. When you get to this last step, you might want to talk with a trusted advisor to help you know what to do if the situation is complex. The important thing is to come up with a plan that is doable and easy to follow through with over time.
These three steps will help you successfully handle major and smaller disappointments or adversities. The next time you notice yourself feeling disappointment or facing an adversity, ask the three key questions. Determine the steps you will follow and the time frame you need to be successful as you embrace the opportunities ahead.
Copyright (c) 2009 Maurine Patten
Maurine Patten, Ed.D., CMC empowers top talent to work collaboratively, increase motivation and improve performance using the latest research in neuroscience. Visit Maurine at http://www.pattencoaching.com/services for details and her free report “How to Be Resilient in Today’s World.”
Mailto: mdpcoach@pattencoaching.com
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32 Responses to “3 Steps For Handling Disappointment”
By tamanjung albert
on Sep 8, 2010 | Reply
Am most honored to write to you.This is a situation I have been facing for three years now and I really need more of your advice.Thanks and best regards
By ava
on Mar 31, 2011 | Reply
I was going through a hard time and this helped alot.
Ava
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By David
on Apr 12, 2011 | Reply
“In every negative situation, you have a choice of focusing on the:
1. Terrible things about it, and how it will make your life harder or less satisfying, or
2. Opportunities this situation may offer you and how you can use your strengths to move forward.”
This is an important point to remember. We always have a choice in how we feel, if even if it does not seem like it. I liked how you pointed out that it is a time to use ones strengths and move foreward.
By Scott
on Apr 22, 2011 | Reply
Thank you for this post. It is really refreshing to learn some techniques for bouncing back from disappointment, instead of a nonchalant “get over it” from acquaintances.
By Dennis
on Apr 26, 2011 | Reply
Knowing that there are three key questions is already a step in the right direction because you are acknowledging that it is possible to get through the hardship…
By Nate Burnett
on Apr 28, 2011 | Reply
Like you pointed out, one of the biggest steps one can take towards finding happiness is recognizing that they are in need. It’s hard to fix something you can’t identify, or won’t acknowledge.
By Suzanna Orlovski
on Apr 30, 2011 | Reply
We have a newborn baby, and now my husband and I are hyper aware of how influential we are for creating positive attitudes in our child. Obviously, I want her to only know happiness, so I will try my hardest to teach her how to overcome adversity.
By Mary Truman
on May 1, 2011 | Reply
Like David, I wanted to point out that although it may seem hard to simply look at something positively, but bearing the weight of negativity does nothing to help you climb out of the abyss.
By Timothy Ito
on May 2, 2011 | Reply
I like how this can relate to disappointments both big and small. In both cases, it does take some effort to turn things around, and the same principles apply.
By Sandra
on May 6, 2011 | Reply
It’s encouraging to read that there is a method to dealing with disappointment. Sometimes, people just rely on advice, but this shows that there are specific steps one can take.
By Morris B.
on May 13, 2011 | Reply
It’s all about the frame of mind. Easier said than done, but something that can be worked on. Especially with support.
By Kay
on May 30, 2011 | Reply
@Suzanna: I know what you mean. Ever since becoming a parent 5 years ago, it’s been hard not to judge other parents when I see them being mean to their kids. I always think, as frustrated as they are, there has to be a better way.
By Debbie
on Jun 11, 2011 | Reply
I just want to drop by to say that I was really inspired by your post. I think what matter is how you handle things and how you bounce back to be a better person. There are lots opportunities available for all of us, you just have to grab it.
By von
on Jun 15, 2011 | Reply
Well,it’s up to the person. I mean if he’s willing to face the disappointment, he can. It’s a mindset. Most people can’t cope because they refuse to think past the disappointment they feel a the moment.
By juries
on Jun 20, 2011 | Reply
Out of my busy schedule I finally had the time to congratulate you for this very nice post. It really touched my heart knowing that in every disappointment, there is always a positive side of it that we must seek. Very inspiring!
By Ursula
on Jul 24, 2011 | Reply
Whenever I am in stuck in a poor situation, I remind myself that “all things end”. However, it is also a good reminder when things are going well, because it helps me to appreciate those moments more.
By Kerry Enser
on Aug 21, 2011 | Reply
I think the idea about “what resources do I have to help me” is an important factor. Having a supportive partner, family member, friend or person in one’s life can really help to allow the unhappy soul to rise above adversity.
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By Ward
on Oct 3, 2011 | Reply
great article for dealing with disappointment.. thanks for sharing it
By Mike
on Oct 4, 2011 | Reply
This is awesome… great blog!
By Doris
on Oct 7, 2011 | Reply
Being in the full time job market is tough these days.. thanks for the tips on handling disappointment.. they will come in handy
By Andy
on Oct 8, 2011 | Reply
Thank you for this information.. disappointment is something I have had a hard time handling for a long time
By Blair A.
on Oct 11, 2011 | Reply
I think you make a great point in saying: “It is easy to blame others for the way you feel. However, this will not increase your level of happiness.” I find this to be the absolutely truth. Fantastic post.
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By Jacob Michaels
on Dec 16, 2011 | Reply
I am glad that there are people who find time to share such good insights like these. Because I know there are more people out there that are in need of such help. I hope this can be spread because in a world of problem, all of us should know how to handle them.
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