Making Eye Contact

Posted on October 22nd, 2008 | by Dee |

Image via Wikipedia

The making and breaking of eye contact is highly significant in our western society and cultures. It can be used to indicate power and authority in social and business situations. Steady, sustained eye contact is very powerful but may be interpreted as aggressive. When meeting another person and your eyes meet, breaking contact and then looking back may be taken as a sign of submissiveness, insecurity, shyness or inferiority.

You do have to be careful with maintaining eye contact. If taken to extreme, maintaining and holding eye contact may be an indication that the person is merely playing ‘power games’ and trying to establish or assert their authority. If a person does this to you, can you be certain they are really listening to you?

Equally, not looking someone in the eye at all, could be interpreted as an insult by suggesting that the other person is not important or not worthy of recognition. Of course, this may account for some shy people being labelled (mislabelled) as rude or arrogant.

Of course, it is unnatural to stare at someone or maintain a fixed eye contact. Our eyes move around to reflect the activity going on in our brain as we listen and think. Indeed, observing someone’s eye movements can be used as a way of checking a person’s reactions and thoughts as you speak to them.

Best practice would suggest making good eye contact with a person when you first meet and then looking at them frequently as you converse. This helps maintain communication and also indicates that you consider the other person worthy and are treating them with respect.

When someone is conversing with you and they are expressing a new idea or concept to you, it is natural that you will want to listen and try to visualise that idea or concept. When we are visualising, our eyes tend to look away, slightly to the left and either slightly up or slightly down. At the same time, as we visualise the idea, we want tocontinue hearing what the speaker is saying, so we turn our head slightly to point an ear more in their direction. In doing this, we break the eye contact and we risk the speaker thinking that we are no longer listening.

Of course, this is far from the case, so in such circumstances, it is best to look toward the speaker every now and then to affirm your attention, and also maybe to ‘reflect’ back something the speaker has just said. It might also be an opportunity to share your visual thoughts with the speaker just to check and confirm that your thoughts match their ideas.

Possibly Related Posts:

6 Responses to “Making Eye Contact”
By Dave on Oct 22, 2008 | Reply

I had never thought that maintaining eye contact was playing a ‘power game’, I simply thought it was being polite!
By Aisha on Oct 22, 2008 | Reply

In some cultures, looking a person in the eye is considered rude.
I wonder how many of us think about the cultural side of eye contact when we engage a person in conversation or a busness meeting?
If I were to look my boss in the eye I would risk being dismissed for being rude.
By Mandy on Oct 22, 2008 | Reply

I think the gender of the people involved is also a factor in determining when eye contact is appropriate.
If I look a male colleague in the eye, it could be considered flirting. But there is no problem with a fellow female colleague.
Similarly if a male colleague looks me in the eye, I am likely to think he is interested in me (some hope!) but not so with a fellow female one.
By Sue on Oct 22, 2008 | Reply

Mandy, you make a good point.
My place of work is dominated by men and almost all the senior positions are held by men.
It is clear that the men look down up the women here. If a women were to look a male coleague in the eye then she is either flirting, after his job, or both.
By Jewish matchmaking on Apr 30, 2009 | Reply

Staring in the eye is a sign that he/she is sincere when talking to you.
By Dee on May 12, 2009 | Reply

Sorry I have to disagree with Jewish Matchmaking. If someone stares at your in the eye, it is not a sign they are sincere. Staring is hardly sincere, it is more intimidating. But what do others think?